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If Florida gets a Do Over,
I want one too!

by Randy Mankin
A lot has been made in recent weeks of the mess that the Democratic parties in Florida and Michigan have gotten themselves into.

Wouldn’t you know it would be Florida, again!?

Why couldn’t it be Oregon, or Wisconsin, or Maine. Oh, wait, I know...because the voters in those states are smarter than the ones in Florida!

On the off chance that you’ve been on an intergalactic space flight for the past few months and haven’t been keeping up with the news, the Democratic National Committee adopted rules to prevent states from moving their primaries any earlier than they already were. Florida, and the like-minded folks in Michigan, ignored the rules and moved their primaries anyway.

So, the powers that be in the Democratic Party...you know, Teddy Kennedy, Barney Frank and Monica Lewinski...ruled that neither Florida, nor Michigan would be allowed to seat delegates at the Democratic National Convention which will be held this August in Denver.

Consequently, most of the Democratic candidates chose to save their money and not campaign in Florida or Michigan. Most, that is, except Hillary Clinton who, despite having signed a pledge not to campaign in either state, waded in all alone and carried the majority of the votes.

Now, Hillary’s camp wants those delegates counted.

The DNC, holding fast to the few principles it has remaining, is refusing to back down. So, a compromise is in the works.

They’re calling it a Do Over and the Democratic Party bigwigs in charge of bending the rules until they fit the desired outcome are busy trying to come up with a solution.

Apparently a re-vote by mail is out of the question since not even the Democrats trust the U.S. Postal Service, so other options are being explored.

Al Gore prefers a computerized vote over the Internet. That makes sense, since he invented the Internet. He probably left himself a trap door through a firewall in a long forgotten recess of the information superhighway. This would allow him to crawl in and tinker with the results. You know, like he tried to do in Florida last time.

Others are wanting an entirely new vote, but no one wants to pay for it. The DNC has said no, so has the Florida state legislature in Tallahassee.

What do you want to bet that before it’s all said and done you and I will be picking up the tab on this one?

I’m so sure of it that I’ve already started planning ahead for the post Do Over days.

That’s when I’m going to sue under the equal protection clause of the U.S. Constitution. If Florida gets a Do Over, I want one, too.

There’s a vote I cast way back in my pre-cognizant days, back when my college professors had overwhelmed my better judgement and had me believing that I too was a Democrat.

The vote was cast, not for the best interest of the country, but out of anger and with a strong desire to get even with ‘em, whoever ‘em were.

In other words, I was manipulated, just like millions of voters today are being manipulated into casting votes for the rain forest or against global warming.

So, I’m willing to concede a Do Over in Florida, and even in Michigan if I can take back that one foolish vote I cast for Jimmy Carter way back in 1976.

Here’s to you Gerald Ford and here’s to hoping that global warming will fix what’s ailing the dwindling rain forests.